


la de da de da de da de day oh

by TheDeviantSentByJericho



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders Needs a Hug, Deceit | Janus Sanders is a Mess, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Jansgt, Loneliness, M/M, Other, Queerplatonic Relationships, References to Depression, Songfic, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sympathetic Sides (Sanders Sides), the light sides are in a qpr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:01:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28070586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeviantSentByJericho/pseuds/TheDeviantSentByJericho
Summary: I just want some timeTo express the things I feelJust to express the things I feelAnd believe them toojanus angst. they're all soft and i love them.
Relationships: DLAMP, LAMP - Relationship, Polysanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	la de da de da de da de day oh

**Author's Note:**

> ahem
> 
> i finished this yesterday then realized that my internet had cut out and also i've already uploaded a hecc of a lot of fics so

  
_I don't have enough time_  
_To say the things I wanna say_  
_To do the things I wanna do_  
_Or to be like you_

Janus didn't know what to do.

The light sides _said_ they accepted him, and they weren't lying about that. Mostly, anyway. 

He'd noticed their efforts, of course he had.

Logan would play chess and talk philosophy with him. Patton loved to bake with him, and after a few of their heart to hearts (with Thomas and/or Logan as moderators, most of the time) they'd learned to come to some kind of mutually-affectionate balance. Roman was still rather upset, and that was okay, but they'd shared the occasional friendly chat, mostly about Remus, and Janus was okay with that.

Virgil,,,

Virgil was different.

Janus couldn't say he liked the way their relationship was at the moment, but he also couldn't say he could expect anything better. They'd been close, once. 

He'd lost all right to that closeness a long time ago.

That didn't mean it hurt any less when he saw the four sides, cuddled up in the couch area, a Disney movie playing that they were too busy being with each other to watch. Even Roman was distracted, playing with Patton's hair while he lay in Virgil's lap, Logan's arm slung over his shoulder. 

_I just want some time_  
_To express the things I feel_  
_Just to express the things I feel_  
_And believe them too_

Janus wanted that.

It had been hard to admit to himself, especially since he knew he could never pursue it. He knew they'd never want to open their QPR to him. And he knew he'd never belong in it. 

They were so loving, so trusting, so _happy._

Janus looked away, returning to his room before any of the sides could have noticed that.

Why did he even think that? He _was_ happy!

**Lies,** the little voice in the back of his head hissed.

  
_2 + 2 has been 4 for_  
_So many darn years, oh Lord_  
_I wanna write a song_  
_Oh baby, is that so wrong?_

Janus sank to the floor of his room. 

He was so,,,

Tired.

Through all of this mess, had any of them really changed?

Patton was still burying his problems with toxic positivity, Logan flat-out denied anything existed that couldn't be solved with a few all-nighters studying, Roman was- doing better, but he still let his mouth run ahead of him, trying to protect his own _dire_ self-esteem issues.

Virgil had changed a lot, that was true. But he wasn't really a light side- he just. Wasn't Dark, either.

Remus was still Remus, of course. 

Janus?

Janus was the same. At least, he felt the same.

Just.

A lot more tired.

  
_And it goes_  
_La de da de da de da de day oh_  
_La de da de, where did all the good times go?_  
_La de da de la da dee dum dom, la da de day_  
_When will you come back home?_

He was so tired of trying. 

So tired of playing the villain.

So tired of lying.

So tired of existing.

He missed Virgil, damnit.

They had been such good friends- Remus was lovely, and meant well, and so did [Orange] but 

It wasn't the same.

Not nearly the same.

_Singin'_  
_La de da de da de da de day oh_  
_La de da de, where did all the bad times roll?_  
_(I said) La de da de la da dee dum dom, la da de day_  
_When can you come back home?_

There was a knock, at his door.

He hadn't expected that, in honesty.

"Janus kiddo? Are you in there?"

Patton?

Shouldn't Patton be downstairs, watching the movie with his partners?

He opened the door.

All four of the 'main' sides stood there, waiting. "We just finished a movie, and we were wondering if you'd like to come down to join us for the next one?" Patton asked.

Janus paused. He detected no traces of insincerity in Patton's question, but it was a question, and those could be hard to tell sometimes. 

"You **don't** mean it?" he asked, quietly.

"Yes," Virgil caught Janus' eye, and shrugged, a soft smile crossing his features. "We do."

"Well in that case, then,,, Yes."

  
_I just went online_  
_To explain the things I feel_  
_To express the things I mean_  
_And it felt so real_  
_Now I'm doing alright_  
_And I'm downright feeling okay_  
_It's the end of the world and I just can't wait._


End file.
